When it comes to having discussions with loved ones, money can be a tricky subject. Whether you need to sort out a budget with your spouse or partner, talk to your child about getting a job or how to pay for college, or help your aging parents have a better quality of life, feelings of discomfort and conflict can arise. These conversations can be difficult to have, but they are sometimes necessary. Consider these tips if you find yourself in a situation that calls for such a discussion.
1. Choose the right time
Before starting a difficult money conversation with a spouse or partner, a son or daughter, or a parent, make sure to choose an ideal time. It may seem like there's no really good time to have such a conversation, but some times are definitely better than others. For example, choose a time when the family member is calm and in a good mood to prevent escalating negative feelings. Don't have the discussion on a particularly stressful day. Make sure you're in a calm, positive mindset as well, because if you lose your cool, the situation may become more problematic.
2. Consider the conversation starter
As you gear up to have your conversation, take some time to think about how to start it in the first place. You'll want to approach the subject in a way that's casual, but shows that you're serious. The way you approach the discussion depends on your relationship and the specifics of the issue at hand, so take the time to consider different ways to start the conversation.
Don't hesitate to research what others have suggested. MoneyCrashers has a great collection of sample conversation starters sorted by the relationship of the person you intend to talk to1 and the Wall Street Journal has some helpful pointers, as well.2
3. Talk about goals
Ultimately, you want the conversation to lead to financial goals you would like to see achieved, so spend some time talking about exactly what those goals are. Do some planning and calculations ahead of time as needed, so you can highlight steps that can be taken to meet these goals.
4. Consider emotions
Money can be an uncomfortable subject to discuss, so take that into consideration before you initiate the conversation. Try to be as delicate as what the situation calls for, and try to see things from the other person's perspective. How might they view your role in the matter? Might they think that you are overstepping your bounds? If so, acknowledge that you understand how they might feel.
5. Be prepared for negative reactions
Due to the discomfort money conversations can lead to, it may help to anticipate a negative reaction. Even if you go out of your way to be as delicate as possible, the loved one on the other end of the discussion may feel blindsided or that they are being attacked. The reaction will depend on the person's personality, their perspective of the situation, and their understanding of your position.
6. Remember, it's a conversation
It's important to remember that you're not talking at the other person. You're talking with them. Recognize that you may not have all the information, so listen to what they have to say and have an open dialogue. Go into the conversation looking to reach an understanding and a mutual desire to achieve goals. Ask for their input and ideas, and genuinely consider them. If you both respect what the other has to say, the chances of a successful resolution will be much greater.
Keep in mind that the person you're talking to is a loved one, and that your conversation may have a real impact on your relationship, so do not approach the subject lightly. Don't be accusatory or berate the person if you don't approve of their actions. The goal is to reach an understanding based on empathy, common sense, and good decision-making. Make sure the other person understands that you have everyone's best interests at heart.
If you need help preparing for your financial discussions, please feel free to call us or set up an appointment.
1. https://www.moneycrashers.com/money-conversation-starters/
The information provided is presented for general informational purposes only and does not constitute tax, legal or business advice. Any views expressed in this article may not necessarily be those of Nevada State Bank. Nevada State Bank is a division of Zions Bancorporation, N.A. Member FDIC